video game
# 25 October 2004 19:28
 I am an Asteroid.I am a drifter. I go where life leads, which makes me usually a very calm and content sort of person. That or thoroughly apathetic. Usually I keep on doing whatever I'm doing, and it takes something special to make me change my mind. What Video Game Character Are You? |
Meh... Trust me to be the boring one...
no thanks at all
# 16:46
okay, so i stayed over an hour extra on my shift, and what thanks do i
get? ... none. not even a hint of gratitude. gah i'm so pissed off
right now. tired, and pissed off. not a good combination. i've had
like two cups of coffee in an hour...
and thats todays rant. i'm also fed up of coming home and ranting
every day. you whats kkinda funny? a lot more stuff goes through my
head than actually makes it into the blog. guess i don't really want
to share everything... Anyone I do tell don't believe me anyway.think
i'm just wanting attention. yes, i'm the most introvertish person in
the world - obviously it must be attention i want! I'd rather crawl
into a hole and die than have any attention.
Just to be appreciated would be nice. Well... It would have been, but
it's gone beyond that now. everyone just walks all over me, and i
stupidly act like a good little carpet. Meh.
cashing up
# 24 October 2004 22:32
omg... cashing up tills is the hardest thing i've ever had to do. i've been shown twice and still don't really know what i'm doing. i know i suck at maths, so it takes me forever to count a few hundred pounds anyway, but geez i feel like i should be able to do it by now. so when i can't that makes me feel stupid and i hate having to ask for help. mind you they probably all think i'm stupid anyway.
ouch
# 23 October 2004 00:02
it was Jane's last day today... one of the few people that i actually looked forward to seeing at work. unfortunatly she only did mornings and since being made a manager i only really have done afternoon/evenings. but i was there when she left today...
before she went, i asked her about some games she said i could have, and she said she didn't have them ready yet, and she'd bring them in when she found them.
what she said next really hurt me... "i know where to find you, you'll always be here"
what was that supposed to mean? if people think that i'll always be working in a dead end shit hole of a job, what point is there in carrying on?
other than that, today wasn't too bad. been feeling really tired all day though. feels like i'm running without any fuel... mind you, going downhill you don't need any fuel... meh.
unapprciated
# 19 October 2004 21:27
i feel pretty crap at the moment. life sucks - what is it all for? was i put here just to generally suck at everything? can't get a decent job, and parents keep having a go at me because i'm not trying hard enough. for gods sake do the think i like the job i have?
all the good people at work are leaving... it's no fun any more. not that is was much anyway. got told off for answering a survey truthfully. Apparently i wasn't supposed to tell head office that i think i'm underpaid. meh, do i look like i care?
most people don't seem to appreciate my help. sure they seem happy to have me there when my absense means thery'll have to work, but otherwise they are content to stand around having a chat while i do everything.
oh and why the hell can't i speak honestly for a change... "how are you?" i'm alright (no i'm not fucking alright. help. get me out of this fucking place...)
Meh. I don't know what I can do anymore. I've almost given up. And nobody cares. At least nobody that can do anything about it cares.
teh suck
# 16 October 2004 10:14
well tues, wed, thurs I was on my AMC... wasn't too bad. nearly died when it came to doing presentations/roleplays in front of the class. Met this girl called Kauri who came from Stourbridge. Was gonna swap phone numbers but she dissapeared somewhere with Jadwiga (AKA Stroganoff) in the shopping centre afterwards so I never got a chance... Teh suck of teh week #1
Today I got a letter from a job I applied for. Trainee IT Technician again, this time by a company run by a friend of my dads. I was more or less promised an interview. Opened letter expecting to see a number to call to arrange an interview only to find that I didn't get one.
Teh suck of teh week #2
I'm obviously that useless that they changed their mind. Stuck at McDs forever. Maybe I should just give up now.
omg spider
# 22:02
omg... hugest spider ever... in my room... omfg
well maybe not the hugest ever... but it was pretty damn big.
Saw it out of the corner of my eye crawling up the wall behind my comp
desk. did a double take and almost jumped out of my skin.
grabbed the nearest hardcover book and whacked it one, but only
managed to succed in knocking it onto the floor.
Quickly I ran and got a torch and the broom. Luckily it was still
where it landed, and using a carefull techniquie holding the broom in
one hand and the torch in the other, I went to hit it, but almost
knocked my monitor off my desk, and did knock a Mr Tickle happy meal
toy down, which now obscured my view of the evil fiend. Eventually I
hit it, and when it was down, i hit it some more, just to be sure.
omg... need coffee....
yay
# 08 October 2004 12:14
the BIOS update worked and my comp is fine again. But now I don't have
enough time to try out JTL... GAH
maybe
# 07 October 2004 22:35
well my comp has erased all my bookmarks in Firefox, which was very
nice of it. But I just updated the BIOS and uninstaled a load of games
I don't play and freed up about 10Gb of HD space. I left the memory
test running for a couple hours and it passed with no trouble. i've
had Windows files checked for corruption and disabled a couple of
unused devices and drivers.
If I still get blue screen errors now, then I have absolutly no idea why.
Oh, and I'm going to apply for another Trainee IT Technician job. :D yay!
swg jtl beta
# 06 October 2004 23:48
meh, i should have known better than to get my hopes up for that beta test.
sure, i got in and can experience the game before most other people,
but will my comp let me? NO.
Geez, its beyond a joke now. i have run out of ideas as to what could
be causing the errors. just not even remotly funny any more.
bad and good
# 05 October 2004 13:45
i'm fed up of my comp... I think i'll reinstall everything next week,
and set up that network at last.
good news for a change: accepted into a certain game Beta test! Whooo!
And in other news, I'm going to make an appointment with my GP about
this depression... there is just no need for it, and I can't carry on
fighting it alone anymore. it sucks.
myluck
# 04 October 2004 22:08
just my luck...
sister found blog
sister reads stuff not intended for her eyes.
sister mentions stuff that i didn't want family knowing.
sister better keep quiet.
twats
# 03 October 2004 19:14
fucking twat. almost walked out becuase i expected him to do his job. then has the cheek to tell another manager that i was pissing HIM off. yeah fucking right .he spent last 3 hours of the shift completly ignoring me. see the kind of mature people we have at work. drives me fucking mad. i wonder if i can get a new job before my managment course.... i'd like that.
Haha fuck you Mike, you missed your chance, and now i'm pissing off to work for someone else. better luck next time.
i also heard some people talking about "promoting the wrong people". obviously talking about me , because i'm the only one that has been promoted recently. yeah, i'm shit. but i'm beyond caring.
i feel sorry for robin though. he's never done anything to make me not like him, and he's the one who's business is going tits up.
i'm going to leave the place soon one way or another. i can't stand the place any more. one way or another... i'll be somewhere else..
personality disorders
# 01 October 2004 02:40
| Disorder | Rating |
| Paranoid: | High |
| Schizoid: | Moderate |
| Schizotypal: | High |
| Antisocial: | Low |
| Borderline: | Very High |
| Histrionic: | Low |
| Narcissistic: | Moderate |
| Avoidant: | Very High |
| Dependent: | High |
| Obsessive-Compulsive: | Low |
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- | |
bleh
# 01:29
Ever feel so stupid that you just want to die?
Ad gave me 15 minutes to count the safe, saying I should be able to do it because I'm not stupid. It took over an hour. I knew I'd mess it up. I'm so crap at maths. even using the calculator i managed to mess it up twice... i'm looking for a new job anyway. i'm just so fed up of that place.... i don't know how much more i can take. not much, i reckon. i wanted to cry. i wanted to lock the office door and slit my wrists.... i don't think i'm coping very well at all really. but still i carry on the way i am, doing things that i don't want to just because people ask me too and I know nobody else will. in fact they probably ask me because they know i will and nobody else will.
went looking for jobs earlier... couldn't find anything decent. haven't seen the local paper yet though. will look ther in the morning. one of the things that keeps my going is looking forward to meeting friends at celebration 3, but when I haven't got that to look forward to..... .what?
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