Happy Birthday
# 24 November 2004 01:09
Just wanted to say Happy Birthday to Shain. She's been helping me (well, trying her best, but I'm just too much of a pessimistic bastard, lol), but yeah, she's been helping me get over this silly depression, even thought she has it worse than me.
So, everybody wish her a happy 20th birthday. :)
odd
# 18 November 2004 21:09
I apologise if I have seemed a bit odd over the past week or so. But I have been feeling a little under-the-weather, so to speak. I really seem to be reaching the end of what I can cope with by myself, but so far I'm still here. Tuesday night I actually thought I was going insane, but I somehow pulled back together again. That day was hell for no apparent reason. Just random mood swings ranging through sadness, anger, frustration, guilt, and other stuff. Was pretty crazy.
Anyways, work today was alright, wasn't too busy but we were short staffed as usual, and Crystal still seems to enjoy pissing me off and making unfunny remarks about "how Andy can't cope with doing Drive Thru on his own". I know I'm crap at it, no need to keep reminding me, bitch.
I'm on Anna's close tomorrow night. She'll probably have a go at me for being late if I get there even a second after 3pm, and then make me count the safe and manage front counter yet a-fucking-gain. I'm not fond of front counter/Drive Thru, you might have guessed.
Anyways, now that I'm in a kind of stable mood I might be easier to talk to tonight. lol.
'til next time...
...
# 15 November 2004 17:17
i dunno... i feel really weird at the moment. kinda like.. is this really happening or have i fallen asleep or something? ehh... whats the use? Hmm... my mood is well... non-existant. as though i'm completly apathetic. if someone told me that world war 3 had started and London had been nuked, i don't think i'd care. whats with all this stupidly short sentances? i dunno... this post has taken me like an hour to write... keep daydreaming inbetween, as though it's going to help or somehing........ oh well... such is life. i suppose.
winteryness
# 14 November 2004 19:45
couldn't believe it when i finished work yesterday at about 11.30pm and my car was iced over. good job i had that scraper in my car. Need some gloves though, almost froze to death... lol...
So Christmas is coming soon... I was wondering recently whether i should celebrate it, having decided to forget about all that religious crap. But then I thought why should they keep christmas to themselves? everybody celebrates hallowe'en and may day, and they aren't pagans, so why not. should be about family, not ficticious dead people.
But anyways, had a nice conversation with someone at work about respect and all that, then later on they pissed me off and ignored me. whoo! well, know I see how much i'm respected around there...
comp I built for the family has got messed up with some spyware or crap like that, and of course its all my fault... then I get yelled at because my parents need to use my comp for something. can't everyone just leave me the fuck alone???
return of the site
# 08 November 2004 22:33
Yeah, I actually have been working on the new version of Galactic Basic. Actually looks quite good... Hopefully I'll actually finish this one... Heh
So anyways, in other news: Everything sucks! Whoo! I wonder how I manage to laugh about things sometimes, but what can ya do, eh? Just gotta go with it I guess.
additional stuffs
# 00:12
oh yeah... phoneline has been playing up recently so my connection is behaving randomly at times. so I might not be on when I usually am, if anyone that cares...
went to bonfire yesterday night... spent most of the time mesmorised by the beautiful but destructive power of the fire... Stuff like that amazes me... I have the urge to burn something now... lol... but fortunatly i can't be bothered to leave my room right now.
what is the point
# 00:12
Well I'm on £5 per hour now, which is okay I suppose. Still hate the bloody job though. would take a drop in pay to get out of there. this morning was one of those classic "breakfast from hell" shifts. fuck knows how many refunds i had to do, and some customers were just taking the piss because they are sad sadistic bastards who have nothing better to do.
i feel as though every shift i get one step closer to breaking, but it never happens. although it came a lot closer today than other times... i actually told one customer to fuck off, so there ya go... hmm, so here i am slipping in and out of dispair as the normal weekly routine. i've been thinking too much about stuff i shouldn't have thought about... stuff that i told myself i'd never do, but still i find myself thinking these unwanted thoughts... i dunno, the options look kinda attractive sometimes, but then other times i curse myself for being stupid enough to even think about it.
i should just stop thinking altogether... seems to be insanely bad for my mental health. Maybe one day i'll wake up from this impossible dreamworld and everything will be bearable.
i should probably work on GB... or one of the other billion projects I started and fucked up...
© Andrew Beard, 1997—2008.